Tired

I’m tired of nights like this

I wish the sun forgets to rise

so I can drift into the dark world unknown

and sleep till thy kingdom come

 

On nights like this,

I wish nights like this never come

 

Nights like this drain me

They leave me weak and desolate

They overwhelm me

 

My mirror scares me on such nights

The soul in the reflection is always worn out 

My stomach deceives me

I always feel full

These nights take their time 

And mine too

They make themselves feel,

No, be at home

 

I’m tired of waking up to the same faces, dealing with the same cases 

I want to be suspended on a bridge for a change

I want to wake up in Guam and have lunch with Sanchez

 

I’m tired of speakers who take an eternity on the podium

That sermon is way too long, man

You’re putting us to sleep

 

I’m tired of playing Russian roulette with my heart

If she truly cared then she’d still be here

She loves me 

She loves me not

I’m tired of wearing this empty smile

Living each day with monotony 

Stuck on a love that could never be

 

I’m tired of seeing my neck salivate at the sight of a noose

My wrist can’t take more of the bruises

I’m tired of calls that urge me to move on

What is moving on?

And moving on to what exactly?

Where? How?

Please don’t come to me with that silly talk

If there are many fish in the sea then you go fish

I’m tired of being rebuked for needing more time to grieve

Tired of constantly switching off my phone coz all people want to say is,

“You’ll get through this!”

But they don’t say how

 

I’m tired of feeling left out  

I see them moving up in life

My papers got me stressed out

Shows are paying in hand-outs

And that’s if they choose to hand out

These peanuts are driving me nuts

I’m tired of eloquent policies and mumbled implementations

Feeding a cow that they only come to milk

Just because we got up in the morning,

stood up for long hours to get them seats in the august house

 

I’m tired of being tired

Tired of poems like this

Poems that feel like this

I’m tired of poets like this

Poets that sound like this

 

I’m tired of being like this

I don’t want to feel like this

I need something else to fill this deep